Hello internet faithful! It sure has been a while hasn't it!
I want to start this post off by issuing a deep and sincere apology.
The long and protracted absence I've had here on this site was unfair to every single one of my readers, and even though this blog was never meant to be a HUGE thing for me, it still very much was a personal project that I unceremoniously left collecting dust for FAR too long.
When I left this site, I also left you all, and you didn't deserve that.
You are owed explanations as to where I've been and what happened since July 27, 2019.
On 06/20/2019 I lost my mother. Her name was Darlene, and her passing was a major blow to my family and I. Some of you may even be aware of this as I did discuss it on my X/Twitter and Deviant Art accounts. In the immediate after-math of her death I thought that I could continue with matters as they were, but unfortunately it all affected me (vastly) more than I initially thought, so in my depression I took some time to mourn her loss.
We all know what happened next, those weeks to mourn steadily turned into months, and then those months turned into a year.
By the end of June/beginning of July 2020 we were about four months deep into the COVID-19 global pandemic, and I made a modest attempt to get things back on track with my art-streams by streaming with several of my artist friends for a few days. While this did provide a brief respite as I collected my thoughts and social support, I knew deep down that I couldn't find that "new normal" required to give my fans what they truly deserved-- A good show.
The constant barrage of confusion and chaos from my regular night job left me (exceedingly) fatigued, so much so that there were times it felt near impossible to pull myself out of bed.
(For those who do not know, I work in emergency medicine, so during those tumultuous days of the pandemic, I had to endure a lot of mental stress)
While it was definitely a struggle more often than not (with my personal resolve constantly being tested) I was ultimately glad that I (not only) had gainful employment, but that I could potentially help make a significant/tangible difference during a time of great uncertainty for so many people in my community.
Undertaking this task did come with sacrifices.
I lost a lot of time with friends and family in this period, particularly with my father Frank. Due to some of his health complications, I had to restrict direct contact with him. A choice I knew deep down hurt him in more ways than one, but I couldn't risk him getting sick.
If only I'd known that (regardless of my efforts to protect him) 2020 would be the last year he'd be alive, I might have made different choices...
On December 18, 2020 my dad (Frank) would suddenly die.
This was beyond devastating for my family and I. Just as it seemed like we had truly begun healing as a family, we lost one our greatest pillars in it.
I started a Go Fund Me to help mitigate the costs incurred by my father's death, and for a while that was all that mattered to me-- Getting affairs into order. This was a process that took YEARS for us to get straight, but we ultimately did work things out with the estate... As of the beginning of 2025.
Needless to say, my depression came back in FULL-FORCE during these years, compounded by the stress I was already contending with from my night job.
This culminated in me losing yet another organ in my gallbladder in August of 2022.
Since then (in several ways) I'm still recovering from my cholecystectomy (both physically & fiscally) with many life-style changes that have had to come about as a result. While it hasn't been easy, at least I'm still alive to do something about it!
But I won't bore you with anymore history! Let's talk about today!
Today marks my 40th Birthday! A date and an age I honestly didn't think I'd see over these past six (long) years.
It's almost surreal to me knowing that I started the N8Dogg Blog all the way back in 2013. I was 28 years old then, an age that simultaneously feels like an entire life-time ago, or just yesterday depending upon my mood. How different thing were then... Since those nascent years I've had to watch people I love leave. I had to witness franchises and mediums I held dear be vandalized and bore-out of any heart and soul. I've wrestled with an empty post window for this blog so many times I can't even try to put a number to it. I have fallen into despair, lost all hope, only to find it again in ways that confuse the mind and break the heart.
As so many have stated here countless times on the internet: THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!
But hey! I'm still here! And I'm still N8Dogg5k!
If you ever came here to read one of my reviews, check out some of my art, or listen to my occasional Blood Code Radio recordings, this post right here is FOR YOU!
Thank you! From the very bottom of this old heart of mine... THANK YOU!
Know that I never stopped working on my art, or my stories. There is much to be shared, and hopefully with enough time, energy, and a little bit of luck, maybe we can get back to having some good times here on this site!
We all know that life is just way too short, and time waits for no man, so if nothing else it's high-time for me to kick it into some kind of gear and try to make some moves before the sand in my hourglass run any lower!